One of my pet peeves in training is when you think you're rolling to submission and are making headway, and then your training partner just stops rolling and starts coaching. Or maybe you're rolling to submission and someone else tries to stop you in order to show you or your training partner a technique. It is really annoying.
Of course, I myself have been guilty of doing the opposite... One of my training partners brings out the worst/best in me and whenever I drill with him we always immediately end up rolling. It is something I have to really watch.
So tips for coaches AND students; I think it's a good idea to have a clear distinction. Coach when you're coaching, drill when you're drilling and roll when you're rolling... and let other people do the same.
I of course think there's a distinct difference between coaching from the sideline and actually stopping someone mid-roll to coach... Coaching from the side can be really helpful and you can always show the person what to do if they didn't get it mid-roll but stopping people while they're having a go is one of the most annoying things in the world.
It is of course up to the coach to set the tone, policies, etc. but of course there is nothing wrong with telling someone who is trying to get you to stop mid-roll something like, "I'm trying to work an escape and I'm not going to stop so you can do your demonstration." (I bet other people have ways of wording this more tactfully than I). Or if someone is trying to start coaching mid-roll because you're winning you can always ignore them and just keep going or let them know that you're not finished yet and would like to continue rolling.
Showing posts with label tips for women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tips for women. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
Problem #2: Inappropriate Comments/Behavior
Inappropriate comments and behavior at a gym are difficult to blog about because it is not always a black and white issue. Wrestling and grappling are contact sports and accidental contact is inevitable. Class is not the place to work through one's issues regarding this; you need to be in a place where you can deal with it before you show up. If you are really uncomfortable with close physical contact, you may want to look into stand-up fighting. Also, while most public locations adhere to certain standards of language and behavior, gyms tend to be a bit more lax about this.
It is always a good idea to try to figure out if you feel safe and comfortable in a gym before you sign up for classes. Most gyms will let you attend your first few classes for free or will let you pay by the class at first. It is a good idea to visit and vibe out any gyms you are interested in ahead of time. This may take care of problems before they arise.
There are many many many factors involved in choosing a place to train, which I will describe in detail in a later post. But for the purpose of finding a place where you don't have to put up with inappropriate comments or behavior, the key things to pay attention to are the way the students interact with each other and the way coaches and students interact. You can usually determine pretty easily whether the vibe is smooth and something you want to be a part of or not as long as you are really looking. (I have ignored some pretty blatant warning signs because I really wanted to train somewhere and have always regretted it.)
So when you're attending your free classes, pay close attention to anything you feel might come up as an issue. I always check to make sure people are working safely and careful, respectfully and cooperatively, and whether everyone is being included. I try to notice if there are any weird power plays. I look around to see if there is a code of conduct posted anywhere. If I have the chance to talk to an instructor, I will bring up concerns and gauge their reactions. (You may consider avoiding dropping names of coaches you've had issues with-- the martial arts scene is pretty tiny.)
But say you vibed out a gym and it seemed okay (or you joined it despite your better judgement) and you end up having to deal with some obnoxious behavior from training partners or coaches. Should you stay or go? This is an extremely personal decision that nobody can make for you, but just a warning about staying at gyms you don't feel comfortable in. The problem is that it is difficult to compartmentalize different aspects of your life, and if you let people treat you poorly in one place it will inevitably spill over into other areas. Also, if something starts out really well and gets bad, it usually continues to get worse. If you do end up staying, you may at least want to start visiting some other schools in the area. Also, if have signed a contract at a gym that includes martial arts classes, realize that it is sometimes possible to get out of the contract if you explain the situation to the owner.
Assuming you have chosen to stay for now, here are some strategies for dealing with inappropriate comments and behavior.
1. First of all, a gym is a gym. Gyms are pretty casual, there are lax standards of speech and behavior and your class is probably dominated by men who may forget you are there at times and resort to locker-room language. Although it's not my ideal training environment, I maintain a pretty high tolerance for "guy talk" as long as it is not directed toward me, doesn't make me feel unsafe and doesn't interfere with my training.
2. I'm not sure how common inappropriate comments in MMA are but it's something I've experienced in almost every gym I've been in. One of the problems is that women have different tolerance levels or ways of handling things, so it's really important to tell the person who is making inappropriate comments that they need to stop. Sometimes this in itself is all it takes. "I don't think your jokes are funny and I want you to stop," or "I'd appreciate it if you stop making comments about _________" or "I don't pay money to get harassed" are pretty clear and to the point. You can also better gauge the situation by how someone responds. I've had men apologize and discontinue the behavior, and I've had men laugh in my face and tell me they really don't care how their behavior makes me feel. Which is always good to know.
In case of inappropriate behavior (e.g. touching), because wrestling and grappling are contact sports and appendages get in the way, incidental contact is pretty inevitable. (If you don't believe me, try grappling or wrestling with another woman.) But if you're really concerned about someone who is pretending to drill with you but is actually just trying to cop a cheap feel (repeatedly), one way to determine whether this is an accident or not is to ask your coach to watch you drill for a while so he can tell you if you're doing it right. If your training partner mysteriously stops the behavior, he's probably doing it on purpose. If he does not stop, he's probably innocently oblivious but now your coach can make corrections since you asked for feedback on the drill. If you're pretty sure the guy's doing it on purpose (and that's not enough to make you switch training partners or talk to your coach), you can bring it up the way the way you would with inappropriate comments. Physically moving someone's hand while saying "that's not my armpit" (or whatever) should do the trick. Remember that you can always switch partners mid-drill, especially if you are worried about your training partner's personal safety at the moment.
3. It is a good idea to keep a record of what happens so you can see if there's a pattern. Also, if you ever decide to bring it up to your coach (or to the gym) it's good to have documentation. If you do decide to bring it up, it can sometimes be a good idea to take someone with you. If your coach is cool he will address the situation, but it's likely that he is friends with your creepy training partner, will say he wants to "talk to him to get his side of the story," will accuse you of lying or will say he didn't see it so can't do anything about it. This can make a bad training situation a million times worse, so be prepared to move on.
4. Confronting a harasser or quitting a gym can be a cathartic experience, but it's even better to stop putting yourself in situations where you need to do this. It is far more powerful to find a gym where you are treated with respect so you can focus on your training. So do whatever you need to do to break the cycle. Listen to your instincts, shop around carefully and spend as much time as you need to vibing out a gym to make sure it is safe, comfortable and friendly. Good luck!
And some quick tips for coaches:
1. Of course gyms are casual and relaxed and your students aren't going to use academic English. People will often make silly jokes and comments. However, it's important to get back on topic to avoid having your class turn into something resembling a bar rather than a professional training environment. For example, if someone asks a question and someone tells a joke, make sure you still address the question.
2. If you do have expectations of your students, it can be a good idea to state them clearly and explicitly and even post them up somewhere around the room. This also lets students know they can talk to you if something comes up. And you can go over the rules with new students to keep everyone on the same page.
3. You are personally responsible for making sure ALL of your students are safe and comfortable. You set the standard, so it's a good idea to remain professional and refrain from making unnecessary and inappropriate comments yourself. Also, don't be afraid to let your students know if they are behaving inappropriately. Keep your eyes and ears open and be receptive to any concerns that do arise. If there are minors in class, this becomes even more important.
4. Protect yourself. As a teacher, I always make sure to leave my door open and to have several students in the room at all times. This may not be necessary at your gym, so of course use your own judgement. It is a good idea to keep documentation of any accusations or issues that do arise and actions you have taken to address the issue.
It is always a good idea to try to figure out if you feel safe and comfortable in a gym before you sign up for classes. Most gyms will let you attend your first few classes for free or will let you pay by the class at first. It is a good idea to visit and vibe out any gyms you are interested in ahead of time. This may take care of problems before they arise.
There are many many many factors involved in choosing a place to train, which I will describe in detail in a later post. But for the purpose of finding a place where you don't have to put up with inappropriate comments or behavior, the key things to pay attention to are the way the students interact with each other and the way coaches and students interact. You can usually determine pretty easily whether the vibe is smooth and something you want to be a part of or not as long as you are really looking. (I have ignored some pretty blatant warning signs because I really wanted to train somewhere and have always regretted it.)
So when you're attending your free classes, pay close attention to anything you feel might come up as an issue. I always check to make sure people are working safely and careful, respectfully and cooperatively, and whether everyone is being included. I try to notice if there are any weird power plays. I look around to see if there is a code of conduct posted anywhere. If I have the chance to talk to an instructor, I will bring up concerns and gauge their reactions. (You may consider avoiding dropping names of coaches you've had issues with-- the martial arts scene is pretty tiny.)
But say you vibed out a gym and it seemed okay (or you joined it despite your better judgement) and you end up having to deal with some obnoxious behavior from training partners or coaches. Should you stay or go? This is an extremely personal decision that nobody can make for you, but just a warning about staying at gyms you don't feel comfortable in. The problem is that it is difficult to compartmentalize different aspects of your life, and if you let people treat you poorly in one place it will inevitably spill over into other areas. Also, if something starts out really well and gets bad, it usually continues to get worse. If you do end up staying, you may at least want to start visiting some other schools in the area. Also, if have signed a contract at a gym that includes martial arts classes, realize that it is sometimes possible to get out of the contract if you explain the situation to the owner.
Assuming you have chosen to stay for now, here are some strategies for dealing with inappropriate comments and behavior.
1. First of all, a gym is a gym. Gyms are pretty casual, there are lax standards of speech and behavior and your class is probably dominated by men who may forget you are there at times and resort to locker-room language. Although it's not my ideal training environment, I maintain a pretty high tolerance for "guy talk" as long as it is not directed toward me, doesn't make me feel unsafe and doesn't interfere with my training.
2. I'm not sure how common inappropriate comments in MMA are but it's something I've experienced in almost every gym I've been in. One of the problems is that women have different tolerance levels or ways of handling things, so it's really important to tell the person who is making inappropriate comments that they need to stop. Sometimes this in itself is all it takes. "I don't think your jokes are funny and I want you to stop," or "I'd appreciate it if you stop making comments about _________" or "I don't pay money to get harassed" are pretty clear and to the point. You can also better gauge the situation by how someone responds. I've had men apologize and discontinue the behavior, and I've had men laugh in my face and tell me they really don't care how their behavior makes me feel. Which is always good to know.
In case of inappropriate behavior (e.g. touching), because wrestling and grappling are contact sports and appendages get in the way, incidental contact is pretty inevitable. (If you don't believe me, try grappling or wrestling with another woman.) But if you're really concerned about someone who is pretending to drill with you but is actually just trying to cop a cheap feel (repeatedly), one way to determine whether this is an accident or not is to ask your coach to watch you drill for a while so he can tell you if you're doing it right. If your training partner mysteriously stops the behavior, he's probably doing it on purpose. If he does not stop, he's probably innocently oblivious but now your coach can make corrections since you asked for feedback on the drill. If you're pretty sure the guy's doing it on purpose (and that's not enough to make you switch training partners or talk to your coach), you can bring it up the way the way you would with inappropriate comments. Physically moving someone's hand while saying "that's not my armpit" (or whatever) should do the trick. Remember that you can always switch partners mid-drill, especially if you are worried about your training partner's personal safety at the moment.
3. It is a good idea to keep a record of what happens so you can see if there's a pattern. Also, if you ever decide to bring it up to your coach (or to the gym) it's good to have documentation. If you do decide to bring it up, it can sometimes be a good idea to take someone with you. If your coach is cool he will address the situation, but it's likely that he is friends with your creepy training partner, will say he wants to "talk to him to get his side of the story," will accuse you of lying or will say he didn't see it so can't do anything about it. This can make a bad training situation a million times worse, so be prepared to move on.
4. Confronting a harasser or quitting a gym can be a cathartic experience, but it's even better to stop putting yourself in situations where you need to do this. It is far more powerful to find a gym where you are treated with respect so you can focus on your training. So do whatever you need to do to break the cycle. Listen to your instincts, shop around carefully and spend as much time as you need to vibing out a gym to make sure it is safe, comfortable and friendly. Good luck!
And some quick tips for coaches:
1. Of course gyms are casual and relaxed and your students aren't going to use academic English. People will often make silly jokes and comments. However, it's important to get back on topic to avoid having your class turn into something resembling a bar rather than a professional training environment. For example, if someone asks a question and someone tells a joke, make sure you still address the question.
2. If you do have expectations of your students, it can be a good idea to state them clearly and explicitly and even post them up somewhere around the room. This also lets students know they can talk to you if something comes up. And you can go over the rules with new students to keep everyone on the same page.
3. You are personally responsible for making sure ALL of your students are safe and comfortable. You set the standard, so it's a good idea to remain professional and refrain from making unnecessary and inappropriate comments yourself. Also, don't be afraid to let your students know if they are behaving inappropriately. Keep your eyes and ears open and be receptive to any concerns that do arise. If there are minors in class, this becomes even more important.
4. Protect yourself. As a teacher, I always make sure to leave my door open and to have several students in the room at all times. This may not be necessary at your gym, so of course use your own judgement. It is a good idea to keep documentation of any accusations or issues that do arise and actions you have taken to address the issue.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Problem #1: Not Having a Training Partner
There is a really excellent article by Liz Bader Posener (who incidentally cleaned house at Grappler's Quest in Vegas this past May). The article, A Girl's Guide to Grappling, has some really basic tips for women interested in grappling for the first time. These suggestions are absolutely spot-on and necessary in most gyms these days. But the fact that they are necessary means that the current state of women's martial arts training sucks.
In a healthy gym, a woman would not need to walk in and immediately stand next to the nicest, smallest looking guy in class because everyone there would be cool. The coaches would be really in tune with dynamics, and would quickly step in and rearrange partners if necessary. (And in the ideal world, classes would always have even numbers.)
But in most gyms there's a tendency for women to have trouble finding partners for drilling or rolling. Sometimes this isn't even because of gender but just because they are new or are shy. But I have had people outright refuse to roll with me. They usually will not admit it is because of gender, but will make stupid excuses (about being injured or tired) which doesn't stop them from immediately rolling with someone else.
Tips for Women
1. Follow the advice outlined in Liz's article. Make sure you're dressed appropriately for class, are not talking or whining or laughing incessantly, and appear serious about your training.
2. If possible, try to bring someone you know with you to class. At least you will have a drilling partner, and the more people you roll with when you're done drilling the better.
3. In addition to figuring out who you can work with or want to work with (and it can be good to switch it up from class to class), you may want to get more aggressive about asking for partners. This is also helpful for gauging class dynamic and figuring out if NOBODY will work with you or if it's just the three guys you keep asking.
4. If someone doesn't want to roll with you, just drop it. And don't take it personally. It's easy to get your brain stuck in some kind of feedback loop where you want to work with someone simply because they are ignoring you, which makes them even less likely to work with you. It is a total waste of time. If someone doesn't want to work with you it could be for completely stupid reasons or because of their own ego/issues. Just move on.
5. If you do get sat out a lot, do NOT just sit there. Make sure you are doing something--shadow boxing, running drills on your own, anything. Of course an exception is if you've just gone a few rounds and are sitting out while trying to catch your breath. But if you have to sit out more than one round, drilling will at least improve your game and is better than sitting in the corner and crying.
6. If this is a really big issue, you may try talking to your coach one on one after class (or before class). This can be really helpful if he is simply unaware of what is happening. And if he just doesn't care (I've had a coach say "There's really nothing I can do about that") at least you know where you stand.
7. Sometimes spending a lot of time on the sidelines is due to logistics. I went to a gym where we rolled to submission and I always got submitted within a minute because I was so new. The other guys would have really long rounds. Finally I started asking if we could go several rounds or would ask for a re-do if my rounds were too short. Unfortunately, a lot of coaches are unaware of dynamics (or simply don't care) so you may need to advocate for yourself.
Tips for Coaches
1. Recognize that this dynamic is likely to happen and plan for it beforehand. Decide on an approach. Options include pairing people up yourself, putting those who need less practice in groups of 3 for drills if there is an odd number, regrouping people if someone continues to get sat out and giving people something to do during rounds where they are sat out (whether it's drills, shadowboxing or simply keeping time). You may also consider letting people roll for set timed rounds instead of to submission so that everyone gets equal time on the mat.
2. You may want to consider having a 101 class or including a private session in the sign-up fee so you can get total newbies up to speed on basic drills and terminology. People who have been training for a long time can sometimes get frustrated with new students who are unaware of introductory concepts.
3. If someone is regularly refusing to roll with people, you may want to actually talk to them about it. Making students work with other students against their will can be a recipe for injury, but there are certainly a myriad of responses. (If I were queen of the world, anyone who refuses to roll would have to sit out the round.)
4. It can be a good idea to switch who you are pairing a new person up with so that they have an opportunity to work with multiple people (and in case the person you normally pair them with doesn't show up one day). Switching it up can also prevent the resentment likely to build up if someone always has to go with the newbie. Students with more experience are less likely to cause accidental injury, so pairing a newb up with someone high-level can be a good idea.
5. Keep an eye on your students. Of course you'll want to correct any mistakes they are making, but this is also a chance to keep an eye out for other sticky dynamics/issues (which I will blog about extensively in the future.)
6. Remember that YOU set the tone and standard for the class which your students follow suit. Communication is key--if you are concerned about dynamics or anything that you think may be going on, you may want to broach the topic with your student.It's possible she's been wanting to talk to you but is feeling intimidated or doesn't know how to bring it up.
7. If you don't want to train new people, don't want to train women or don't want to train anyone who isn't preparing for a professional fight, TELL THEM. It is pretty lame to pretend that everyone is welcome if they're not. You are not sparing anyone's feelings and you are wasting their time.
In a healthy gym, a woman would not need to walk in and immediately stand next to the nicest, smallest looking guy in class because everyone there would be cool. The coaches would be really in tune with dynamics, and would quickly step in and rearrange partners if necessary. (And in the ideal world, classes would always have even numbers.)
But in most gyms there's a tendency for women to have trouble finding partners for drilling or rolling. Sometimes this isn't even because of gender but just because they are new or are shy. But I have had people outright refuse to roll with me. They usually will not admit it is because of gender, but will make stupid excuses (about being injured or tired) which doesn't stop them from immediately rolling with someone else.
Tips for Women
1. Follow the advice outlined in Liz's article. Make sure you're dressed appropriately for class, are not talking or whining or laughing incessantly, and appear serious about your training.
2. If possible, try to bring someone you know with you to class. At least you will have a drilling partner, and the more people you roll with when you're done drilling the better.
3. In addition to figuring out who you can work with or want to work with (and it can be good to switch it up from class to class), you may want to get more aggressive about asking for partners. This is also helpful for gauging class dynamic and figuring out if NOBODY will work with you or if it's just the three guys you keep asking.
4. If someone doesn't want to roll with you, just drop it. And don't take it personally. It's easy to get your brain stuck in some kind of feedback loop where you want to work with someone simply because they are ignoring you, which makes them even less likely to work with you. It is a total waste of time. If someone doesn't want to work with you it could be for completely stupid reasons or because of their own ego/issues. Just move on.
5. If you do get sat out a lot, do NOT just sit there. Make sure you are doing something--shadow boxing, running drills on your own, anything. Of course an exception is if you've just gone a few rounds and are sitting out while trying to catch your breath. But if you have to sit out more than one round, drilling will at least improve your game and is better than sitting in the corner and crying.
6. If this is a really big issue, you may try talking to your coach one on one after class (or before class). This can be really helpful if he is simply unaware of what is happening. And if he just doesn't care (I've had a coach say "There's really nothing I can do about that") at least you know where you stand.
7. Sometimes spending a lot of time on the sidelines is due to logistics. I went to a gym where we rolled to submission and I always got submitted within a minute because I was so new. The other guys would have really long rounds. Finally I started asking if we could go several rounds or would ask for a re-do if my rounds were too short. Unfortunately, a lot of coaches are unaware of dynamics (or simply don't care) so you may need to advocate for yourself.
Tips for Coaches
1. Recognize that this dynamic is likely to happen and plan for it beforehand. Decide on an approach. Options include pairing people up yourself, putting those who need less practice in groups of 3 for drills if there is an odd number, regrouping people if someone continues to get sat out and giving people something to do during rounds where they are sat out (whether it's drills, shadowboxing or simply keeping time). You may also consider letting people roll for set timed rounds instead of to submission so that everyone gets equal time on the mat.
2. You may want to consider having a 101 class or including a private session in the sign-up fee so you can get total newbies up to speed on basic drills and terminology. People who have been training for a long time can sometimes get frustrated with new students who are unaware of introductory concepts.
3. If someone is regularly refusing to roll with people, you may want to actually talk to them about it. Making students work with other students against their will can be a recipe for injury, but there are certainly a myriad of responses. (If I were queen of the world, anyone who refuses to roll would have to sit out the round.)
4. It can be a good idea to switch who you are pairing a new person up with so that they have an opportunity to work with multiple people (and in case the person you normally pair them with doesn't show up one day). Switching it up can also prevent the resentment likely to build up if someone always has to go with the newbie. Students with more experience are less likely to cause accidental injury, so pairing a newb up with someone high-level can be a good idea.
5. Keep an eye on your students. Of course you'll want to correct any mistakes they are making, but this is also a chance to keep an eye out for other sticky dynamics/issues (which I will blog about extensively in the future.)
6. Remember that YOU set the tone and standard for the class which your students follow suit. Communication is key--if you are concerned about dynamics or anything that you think may be going on, you may want to broach the topic with your student.It's possible she's been wanting to talk to you but is feeling intimidated or doesn't know how to bring it up.
7. If you don't want to train new people, don't want to train women or don't want to train anyone who isn't preparing for a professional fight, TELL THEM. It is pretty lame to pretend that everyone is welcome if they're not. You are not sparing anyone's feelings and you are wasting their time.
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